"Hmm... the Iliad? Oh, I know! Him!!" you say. And I know exactly who 'him' is.
It's this person...
... and you know what? I can't blame you. Not only is 'Troy' a major blockbuster, but Mr. Pitt is not at all bad to look at. Neither is the film.
But there's a slight problem...
THERE ARE LOADS OF THINGS IN THE FILM THAT ARE DIFFERENT FROM THE ORIGINAL STORY.
ahem. Of course, the poor directors want a really smashing film (so adding in squabbling gods might spoil the whole thing), and perhaps they want to portray the story of the Iliad as it really might've happened...
But whatever their excuses, the plot of the film is different.
so without further ado -
THE ILIAD
FUNNESS:
(IF YOU'RE ME) X X X X O
(IF YOU'RE MY ANNOYING LITTLE BROTHER) X X O O O
GRIPPINGNESS:
(IF YOU'RE ME) X X X O O (OR) X X X X O (DEPENDS ON THE CHAPTER)
(IF YOU'RE MY INSENSITIVE BROTHER) X X O O O
READABILITY:
(DIE-HARD GREEKY GEEKS) X X X X X
(MORE NORMAL PEOPLE) X X X O O
(PEOPLE WHO JUST WANT A BREAK) O O O O O
WHY READ THE BOOK?
1. ACHILLES
theres no illustrations of Brad Pitt, I'm afraid, but who needs him?! Use your imagination...
I mean he's just so brilliant!!! Read all those descriptions of him!
2. THE DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS HEROISM OF IT ALL!!!
It's so glorious and majestic... Fates, Aristeia, honour, kudos, ransoms, libations... this here epic has got 'em all.
3. YOU WILL SEEM INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE AND INTELLIGENT
Once word goes round saying you've read the Iliad, you're going to be a hot issue.. Who cares if it was the English translation and not the ancient greek!!
4. THE OTHER CHARACTERS!!! (U KNOW, THE OTHERS APART FROM ACHILLES..)
The 'others' are pretty hot issues themselves...
Agamemnon, Menelaus (two king-brother hotties... never imagined them to be the grandpa's from the film, you know what I mean?),
Nestor (the nice old king),
Odysseus (one wily cunning king (he's the guy who blinds the cyclops later on in the Odyssey))
Diomedes (HOT ISSUE!!!) a very brave daring young warrior,
Patroclus (Achilles' veryveryvery nice friend who gets killed by Hector and starts Achilles' bloody rampage of revenge),
Briseis (Achilles' (HOT) girlfriend who was the cause of his big sulk and squabble with Agamemnon),
Hector (HOT ISSUE!!!!!) 'breaker of horses' :') (the one who gets dragged around by the ankles behind a chariot),
Paris (the HOT but extremely annoying young pest who causes the whole business by running off with...)
Helen (the face that launched a thousand ships) the most beautiful woman in the world...
...and many, many more!! Discover them all...they're all really exciting and unique...
...AND all those hot gods who direct the whole thing (haha - got you there!! the film didnt include the gods... can't think why...)
- Menelaus, Paris, Diomedes, Odysseus, Nestor, Achilles, Agamemnon (from left)... but use your imagination!!
5. IT'S SO ICONIC... HOW CAN YOU NOT READ IT??!!!
Nah, that's a shallow reason...
you should read it for discovering the finer details of the character (both heroes and gods), and the iliad is not just a story of lust, fighting and war... The scene when Priam ransoms Hector's body near the end of the epic is considered one of the most finest parts of the iliad, where the two men realise their similarities. its full of the meaningless of things!! the meaningless of war!! the childlike gods and the godlike heroes!!!! how can you not read it??!!
OH ...LOL!!!
(in case you never feel like reading it without illustrations....)
- the marvel comics adaptation!!!
so, please, for the sake of your inner warlord, give the Iliad a go!
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